just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
