She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she looked like the before picture.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
