TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
