Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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