Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
