I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
