you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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