Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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