So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the day after is always just damage control
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
