Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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