So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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