I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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