did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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