I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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