Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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