There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
