gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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