I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
