im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She announced her abortion via fbk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
