Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
