Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
