Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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