Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
