I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish you could order shots online.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
