brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
