Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
