If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
