You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
