I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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