Can i not drive my cunt home
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
