It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
