I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
