today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
