We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
