So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
