Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I look better un-naked...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need a burrito and a hug.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
