quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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