How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
