He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
