just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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