It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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