; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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