pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
