turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
