My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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