Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
