so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
