Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
