But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
