she was so not down for the gang bang
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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