in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
