Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
