I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
