i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
