My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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