Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
