kristin has been a bad kristin
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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