He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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