I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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