i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
