last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Randomize
