Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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