Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
