Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
