my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
