Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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